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Sometimes I need to blog about what’s on my heart and mind. Enter: Coffee Chats. Imagine sitting down with a friend, sipping on coffee, and catching up on life.
(A dear friend bought me this mug that says “If you need me, I’ll be on the Internet” which 100% describes me, haha!)
I’ve been thinking a lot about blogging. Now that my life has gotten busier, the number of posts I write has decreased dramatically. I’ve been asking myself Where do I go from here? I love blogging, but I put so much pressure on myself to write posts and share my content on social media frequently. That’s not always possible with my full-time job + college classes + nurturing my marriage + being a dog and cat mama, but my perfectionist heart still longs to be a “better” blogger: to take better photos, to look prettier in my photos, to write more eloquently and not break the grammar rules.
I miss authentic blogging, sharing what’s on my heart and mind with others. But with that openness comes the freedom for others to express their opinions as well. It’s so easy to forget that the words you read belong to someone, that someone is behind the other side of that computer screen. Every time I share a post, I fear that I will open my email to hate like I have so many times before. I want to share my heart and be authentic with others, but I also want to protect myself from not-constructive criticism. Sometimes I wonder if this public space on the web is even worth it sometimes. Sometimes, it makes me want to quit all social media entirely and live under a rock. But at the same time, I feel like I still have a reason to write and things to say.
I’ve been thinking about friendship. Moving to a new place means making new friends. I still grieve the friendships that have changed or ended since I moved away from Kentucky last year. I’ve made new friends since moving to Iowa, but I still find myself battling the anxiety that they’re gossipping about me like a repeat of middle school. In a recent conversation with an older, wiser lady from church, she pointed out that just as no single man fulfills my every need, neither will one single friend. Few friendships are lifelong ones; most are merely for seasons and reasons. Only one person can meet every need in my life: Jesus.
I’ve been struggling with my faith. Not with my faith necessarily, but how to discuss my faith on my blog without offending others. I genuinely believe what the Bible teaches and want to share about Jesus with others, but I also want to love others, be a good friend to everyone and appreciate their beliefs, too. How do I reconcile what is popular with what I believe? Just like how I’ve stopped sharing my heart in blog posts because I don’t want to be criticized, I’ve mostly stopped sharing my faith in blog posts for that same reason. It’s so hard to open up about my faith in my little space on the web for fear of cyber meanies, but it’s something that means so much to me and is most important in my life.
Since this post is ending up way more in-depth than I had expected, let’s change the subject 😉
I can’t believe we are almost halfway through our 3-year assignment in Iowa. It seems like it has gone by so quickly and so slowly at the same time! I’m finally feeling settled into life here, and although I still hate winter with a passion, I do enjoy living a normal civilian-ish life (except for the pain of knowing my husband hates his job and I can’t fix it...) One of my favorite things about living here is my job. (You may recall unemployment was a major struggle during the 9 months I lived at Fort Knox before my husband received Recruiting orders.) Working full-time again has been a huge blessing for us financially and for me emotionally. I hadn’t realized how much working outside of the home influences my mental health until recently. Now that our time in Iowa is beginning to wind down, we are both prayerfully considering what happens next. Will I geo-bach to stay behind at my job? Will I find full-time employment at our next duty station? Will I choose to forego paid employment and work on my Master’s degree at our next duty station? There are a million possibilities, and the planner in me wants to know what I’ll be doing next! And this isn’t even considering the numerous assignments my husband could receive anywhere in the world!
Well, friends, thanks for joining me for a post full of my recent ponderings.